


Don't play with fire

by xungsoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Emotional Hurt, Hurt Kim Jongdae | Chen, M/M, Mentioned Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Post-Break Up, Relationship Problems, Sad, Sad Kim Jongdae | Chen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 03:36:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19348693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xungsoo/pseuds/xungsoo
Summary: Jongdae gets home and finds all the burned things that Junmyeon left.





	Don't play with fire

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there, I'm back with some sad Jongdae and asshole Junmyeon. I'm really insecure about this fic, so pls bare with me. Enjoy :> PS: This fic was inspired by fire from Sik-k, so lots of that and listen to it, it's a great song.

Jongdae turns the keys and pushes his body against the door. His limbs feel weak and getting out of his shoes was never this hard, he thinks.

The door closes behind him and Jongdae just let's his jacket fall off his shoulders, not even bothering to turn on the lights. He doesn't need to. He can walk into every room without bumping into a wall, can remember where all the belongings from Junmyeon are laying around. He can remember the laughs they shared in every room, in their home.

Jongdae isn't bothered to turn on the light because he doesn't want to see anything that makes him remember more. Alone the smell of their once shared home is making him shake already, his fingers having trouble with opening the door to the bathroom.

Jongdae eventually turns on the light, but his head is looking down. He doesn't want to look into the mirror, just to see his red, swollen eyes. He doesn't want to look beside him, doesn't want to look at the spot where Junmyeon is supposed to be.

It's Saturday. They would be having a bath together now. They would be laughing together and drink some wine. But Junmyeon isn't here anymore and Jongdae has to deal with it.

He doesn't dare to take a bath, as if he had the energy for it. The only thing that Jongdae can think of right now is getting into bed and sleep forever.

The only thing keeping him from doing that is his heart. It feels like it's going to explode any second, beating so fast that he feels like fainting.

Jongdae doesn't want to touch the door knop to their bed room. He doesn't want to get into this room, full of memories, full of shared moments. All the things that only make his heart clench now. All the things that make this hole in him bigger, as if it's going to take him in completely.

Jongdae shuts his eyes tightly, trying to hold in his tears and walks into the kitchen. 'Not yet', he tells himself.

Jongdae reaches for a glass, standing on his tippy toes so he can get it. Remembering the light laugh that would appear behind him now, a voice asking if he needs help. It makes him shake again. He would response with a "you're not that tall yourself, shut up". Junmyeon would laugh. They would share a kiss. They would be happy. They were happy.

Jongdae drops the glass and lets it break on the ground. He feels like breaking everything they have. He'd love to throw everything on the ground, scream at everything that Junmyeon left in this apartment for him to make him remember and hurt more.

But all that Jongdae can get out of himself is a quiet sob, his throat sore from the crying on his way home. He's scared of saying anything. Scared of not getting a response, because that would make him realise more that he's alone now.

So he walks into the living room. He looks at the couch, at the place where Junmyeon would sit down every evening after work. Exhausted but still with a smile for him. They would kiss, he would ask him how his day was and tell him that there's still food in the microwave. Junmyeon would talk, would laugh and smile. He would treat him with so much love.

Jongdae looks down on the spot and feels his lips burn. The kisses they shared always felt like fire. The love he feels for him would make him feel warm all over his body, would make him have goosebumps all over his back and arms and leave him smiling like an idiot.

It's weird, because now he still feels like he's on fire when he's thinking about the kisses. Like he's burning from inside out when he touches the things that belong to Junmyeon, when he feels like he's still there in their home.

It's just that the fire is killing him now and not keeping him alive, like it did before.

Jongdae looks at the clock and seeing that it's midnight makes his eyes feel even heavier. He really wants to get into bed but he doesn't know if he can just yet.

Jongdae looks for his phone in his pocket and when he turns it on his chest feels like it's about to explode. He forgot that his lock screen is a picture of him and Junmyeon. Junmyeon being all cute and funny, annoying him with his little dance. But Jongdae is still smiling, he's still happy and he's in so much love.

He doesn't think that he'll ever smile again and he doesn't think that he'll ever feel as happy as he did in this picture. But he knows that even being in so much pain, his love is still there for him.  
Jongdae walks to the bed room door. It hurts, everything just hurts and he doesn't think that he could even feel more pain than now so he just takes a deep breath and opens the door.

His hand is holding the door knop tightly, his knuckles are turning white and his lungs feel like they stopped working. And even though he isn't breathing, he still gets the smell. He still sees the bed and the clothes laying around and he still feels the loneliness taking him in.

Jongdae thinks about sleeping in the living room, but it's too late now. He's already playing up all the memories in his head, he's still feeling the hole grow in him and he's still feeling the way the fire is burning. 

His steps are slow and his whole body is in pain. But he still manages to get out of his shirt and get into bed.

Jongdae presses his face into Junmyeons pillow, his nose filled up with the familiar smell and his heart racing.

And after so much crying Jongdae thought that he didn't had any tears left in his body, but he apparently does.

He's quietly crying into the pillow, his throat hurting too much to say anything, to get any sound out of him. His heart is beating so fast, so fast that he just wishes it to finally explode so that the pain stops. His head is pounding like hell and his whole body is on fire. He's burning like he never did. 

Jongdae closes his eyes and just hopes for the world to stop forever. Or even just a second. 

Sleep doesn't welcome Jongdae this night, so he just lays there for a few hours. The crying eventually stopped and his breath is back to a normal space. Jongdae likes to think that at least. 

He's turning around, tries to get into a comfortable position and some sleep, but nothing is working. Jongdae gives up and sighs heavily.

He's sitting on his bed and looks around. The room that they shared so much time in, so many memories is now only giving him a headache.

It's the place where Jongdae asked Junmyeon it he wants to move in. The place where they showed each other their love, where they cared for each other and the place where Jongdae once felt the safest. 

Now it feels like it's all just ash. The fire that Junmyeon made in his heart, the fire that now destroyed his home.

Jongdae opens the door to the balcony and steps in. The cold night breeze hits him and his body shivers, but he doesn't care.

Jongade sits down on the small chair, the one that Junmyeon always sat down on when he got out here for smoking. 

Jongdae tries to keep his breath even, but it feels like he can't control himself. as if he's not only losing Junmyeon, but so much more.

He feels something under him and reaches for it. 

Jongdae sat down on a picture of him and Junmyeon. He didn't even know that it was here, he never spent time on the balcony. It's probably Junmyeons he realises. 

Jongdae looks at it. He looks at his and Junmyeons smile. He looks at their happiness.

He closes his eyes and presses the picture against his chest. He gets up and takes the lighter from the small table into his hand. 

"Quit smoking, or I'll leave you," he always told Junmyeon. He promised him to quit. 

Junmyeon also promised him to make him happy, that he'll never hurt him and that he will never leave from his side.

Jongdae never knew that Junmyeon would break all these promises. He also didn't know that he could ever feel so much pain. 

Jongdae takes a last look and burns the edge of the picture. He looks at it, how it slowly works its was up to their faces, to his heart. 

Jongdae always felt like his skin is burning when Junmyeon touched it. He loved the way that Junmyeon had an impact on him. He loved how the fire kept him going, how the warmth made him feel safe. 

He loved everything about Junmyeon, the way he laughed, how he comforted him in stressful times. How Jongdae never felt alone with him, how a shared look had more meaning than thousand words between them. How a quiet kiss could make Jongdae scream from inside.

Jongdae lets the ash fall down the balcony and watches it dissappear. Junmyeons face is now gone too, and Jongdae feels like he can really breath for the first time this evening. 

Jongdae never knew how much a fire like this could destroy, but he knows that it'll evetnually die, and he just prays that his pain will die with it too.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo idk if I should delete this or not but I still hope you liked it. And I'll leave it up to you what you think Junmyeon did, did he cheat on Jongdae? Did he tell him that he doesn't love him anymore? Did he leave without saying anthing? Who knows! Let me know what you think and let's talk on twt if you want to, and if not then I hope to see you with my next fic ~


End file.
